I have not abandoned this project. I’m just working on a big new thing. Once I go “pro” there will be more to see here. Promise. [hearts] -M

This is a classic among radio and television producers who have had to work with surly talent over the years. Orson Welles is a hero of mine for two reasons: 1) He made the quintessentially American film; and 2) He peaked early - so I can identify. By the point in his career that you hear him in the clip above, he was basically a rotund pitch-man for anything and everything that tried to seem classy. This is the studio audio of a marginally tipsy and extraordinarily belligerent Orson reading the voiceover copy for a European TV commercial promoting frozen veggies. Welles, ever the director, is unimpressed with the pacing and cadence of the copy that seems to counter what’s happening on the playback.

It’s interesting enough to hear the process, but that interest really pegs when Orson makes the offer that if someone there can show him how to sensibly read a line he will “go down” on them. Listen for it. It’s studio magic.

I was once lucky enough to do a radio interview with Maurice LaMarche, the übertalented voice actor who was - among many other things - Brain from Pinky and the Brain. It’s no secret that the Brain was vocally similar to a manic Welles, which LaMarche admitted to. He then told me about this clip, which is the audio equivalent of a much-loved holiday movie among voice actors. 

And for you completists, this clip may sound familiar because it was parodied in the cartoon “The Critic,” where Welles, voice-acted by LaMarche, said that the peas were “full of green pea-ness,” eliciting giggles all around. 

See it here:

Enjoy this classic from the vaults.

(Click Play and Read Along!)

Here are two gems from the vaults. Thankfully, other people’s vaults. Although sadly I had both of these albums (promo copies from the record companies). 

The first is the lead single for what I can only imagine was Atlantic Records’ attempt to make a ‘tweenish-friendly Limp Bizkit. For the kids who were too into their souped up Hondas with the “green glow under [their] cars” and the “boom boom system you can hear real far” (actual lyrics from the song), they were meant to enjoy Hot Action Cop. Those kids, however, made it clear that they were not interested by going out of their ways to not buy Hot Action Cop’s eponymous first release. Not to say that Atlantic didn’t try by putting the song on two (!) movie soundtracks, several television shows and even a video game. Response was fairly negative, I would guess mainly due to the fact that the song is TERRIBLE. It’s insulting, insipid and creatively bankrupt. Fever 4 Da Flava fails to even be fluff since it’s too outright cloying. This band is what happens when someone tries too hard to be trendy and succeeds to the point of failure. And yes, you heard them right, the hook is “fever 4 da flava of a coochie.” Apparently this is why they want to “take your booty to the nudie dimension.” Aaaaaaaaand gross. NEXT!

Heard enough? Feel free to skip ahead to track 2.

The second track is too easy, I will admit. But it’s been on my mind lately. I forget the exact machinations of fate that dropped a copy of Michigan Faygo enthusiasts Insane Clown Posse’s Great Milenko CD in my hands. But nonetheless, one day I found myself tracking through it in the farmhouse apartment I shared with a friend in Ralston, Nebraska. If you can picture a more tragicomic tableau, please let me know what it could be. Most of the tracks… well, honestly ALL the tracks are forgettable. Making fun of ICP for being terrible is shamefully simple. Nonetheless, Southwest Voodoo is worth a listen. Not because it also suffers from painfully stupid lyrics, but also because like Hot Action Cop, it’s not a “technically” bad song. The production on it is quite good. In fact, the production on it is far superior the contents of the song being produced. Usually Pharrell Williams has to be producing one of his own songs for this to occur (oh, snap). 

I’ve already mentioned how stupid the lyrics are. And they ARE. But they’re also kind of amusing in their stupidity. For example:

Brain insane, Shooga whooga bah
Southwest voodoo’s in the haugh!
Wicked voodoo, dope dark killer
Magic, dark magic

Frankly, is sounds more like “suga-booga-bah,” but if they say whooga, who can argue?

Enjoy and I am sorry in advance for these earworm slices of poop.

 In the next Found Audio!: Orson Welles offers to go down on you for some vocal coaching.

Huzzah.

I’ve made a horrible realization: Many of these cassettes I’m plundering contain a lot of crap. It’s not like I’m going to post “King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West or even a long out-of-print Jane Weidlin track (both of which I’ve found). So please be patient. It will be slow going. I found another tape from a later band practice with a song I wrote the music for. That’s coming up next. But posts may take a while as I relive the most personally musically painful portions of the 80’s and 90’s. Thx

One of the biggest things I wanted to do with the docmarvy.com relaunch that came earlier this year was add a found audio element. I wasn’t able to host directly on the site because GoDaddy doesn’t offer streaming media hosting with the low-grade “virtual rackspace” hosting I bought. 

Rather than get sucked in to upgrading my GoDaddy account, or having to use a third party streaming service like houndbite, I was turned on to tumblr by JockoHomo. So here goes. I moved a giant box of unmarked cassette tapes from Omaha to Austin. And now I’m going to start plumbing the depths of those cassettes to find odd audio (oddio, if you will) to supplement my blog. It’ll be random, and it’ll be stuff you won’t hear anywhere else. 

Enjoy.