(Click Play and Read Along!)

Here are two gems from the vaults. Thankfully, other people’s vaults. Although sadly I had both of these albums (promo copies from the record companies). 

The first is the lead single for what I can only imagine was Atlantic Records’ attempt to make a ‘tweenish-friendly Limp Bizkit. For the kids who were too into their souped up Hondas with the “green glow under [their] cars” and the “boom boom system you can hear real far” (actual lyrics from the song), they were meant to enjoy Hot Action Cop. Those kids, however, made it clear that they were not interested by going out of their ways to not buy Hot Action Cop’s eponymous first release. Not to say that Atlantic didn’t try by putting the song on two (!) movie soundtracks, several television shows and even a video game. Response was fairly negative, I would guess mainly due to the fact that the song is TERRIBLE. It’s insulting, insipid and creatively bankrupt. Fever 4 Da Flava fails to even be fluff since it’s too outright cloying. This band is what happens when someone tries too hard to be trendy and succeeds to the point of failure. And yes, you heard them right, the hook is “fever 4 da flava of a coochie.” Apparently this is why they want to “take your booty to the nudie dimension.” Aaaaaaaaand gross. NEXT!

Heard enough? Feel free to skip ahead to track 2.

The second track is too easy, I will admit. But it’s been on my mind lately. I forget the exact machinations of fate that dropped a copy of Michigan Faygo enthusiasts Insane Clown Posse’s Great Milenko CD in my hands. But nonetheless, one day I found myself tracking through it in the farmhouse apartment I shared with a friend in Ralston, Nebraska. If you can picture a more tragicomic tableau, please let me know what it could be. Most of the tracks… well, honestly ALL the tracks are forgettable. Making fun of ICP for being terrible is shamefully simple. Nonetheless, Southwest Voodoo is worth a listen. Not because it also suffers from painfully stupid lyrics, but also because like Hot Action Cop, it’s not a “technically” bad song. The production on it is quite good. In fact, the production on it is far superior the contents of the song being produced. Usually Pharrell Williams has to be producing one of his own songs for this to occur (oh, snap). 

I’ve already mentioned how stupid the lyrics are. And they ARE. But they’re also kind of amusing in their stupidity. For example:

Brain insane, Shooga whooga bah
Southwest voodoo’s in the haugh!
Wicked voodoo, dope dark killer
Magic, dark magic

Frankly, is sounds more like “suga-booga-bah,” but if they say whooga, who can argue?

Enjoy and I am sorry in advance for these earworm slices of poop.

 In the next Found Audio!: Orson Welles offers to go down on you for some vocal coaching.

Huzzah.